I've been working at the school since February. At my interview it was explained to me that it would take me the first full year to grow accustomed to dealing with the kids and all of the many rules the school has.
The first month they took it easy on me... to the point of me wondering if I would be bored there. But once they felt I was warmed up they kept piling on the responsibilities.
And I generally welcome them with open arms.
I'm one of those Type A personalities - the typical eldest child. Responsibility is what I thrive on.
However, here it is. My boss has taken a new job and is leaving me in charge. I'm now the new Office Manager.
It's a source of pride that she feels I'm capable and equipped to take over the job she does so well. There are other choices, people who have been there longer than I have. She has told me I am able to listen, problem solve, and have great people skills on top of being a good nurse and very organized.
So here's the problem... PANIC! Self doubt floods my mind and it's a constant battle between the paranoid neurotic little girl who lacks self esteem and the grown woman who knows I have the confidence and intelligence to do anything I put my mind to.
This job gives me nightmares unlike any job I've ever had before. I have restless nights of sleep to begin with, but now the vivid chaos invades my dreams, which have always been weird to begin with. There have been teachers snorting coke, a boy dropping dead from a congenital heart defect during gym, runaways cars (which is always my signal I feel my life is out of control) among other awful things. And the funny part is the things that happen at the school are more often more disturbing than my dreams.
As of Friday I'm on my own in there. And I'm going to do the best I can do without panicking or making myself completely crazy. At least I hope not. Wish me well.
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