Thursday, March 17, 2011

RN - Real Nurse?

There was an important investigation recently into whether I work outside the scope of my practice.  I had to do a bit of legal investigation to remind myself of my parameters and to make sure I have been working within them.  In the end it was decided a part time RN would be hired in order to supervise me and oversee the policy and procedure I write.  Basically, a babysitter.

An overpaid babysitter who sits on the couch eating Bon-Bons and watching Happy Days. Because to tell the truth, I've got most everything under control.  And it's hard for me to relinquish control and remember I'm supposed to defer to someone for advice and guidance.  Control Freak much?  Maybe.

I sent away for information to begin to work on my RN (again).  This time I'm going to try and do this from home.  I hear it's much more difficult.  But what are my options?  I already tried balancing a job, my kids, the house and ONE college class.  Want to know what happened?  My daughter's grades slipped, the littlest one had some separation anxiety, and the baby sitter drove me batty.  The house fell apart and bills got backed up.   The worst part, and this is when I realized just how bad my anxiety could be..... The day of the final I began driving to the college.  It began to snow and I had a panic attack, turned around and went home.  How mad am I at myself that the entire semester was for nothing because I couldn't get up the nerve to go take the exam?  I never even called to ask for a make - up exam.

In any case, I've picked up the pieces and dusted myself off.  I have a better handle on the finances and  know I need to stop acting like an RN and actually become one.  I'm not sure what magical mysteries they will teach me in RN school that will suddenly make me a more effective and knowledgeable nurse, but I have to tackle this and stop wasting time. 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Slacker I'm not

Yes, so it's been a long time and what's the point of beginning a blog if I'm going to ignore it?  Cut me some slack!  This seems to be my theme the past few days... being told again and again that I should hold my head high for all that I do.  It's hard for me, neurotic nerd that I am. I know, i just don't always get it.
Work kicked my butt for the first month or so.  Here I am sliding through the third month of my managerial tasks and I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable.  I'm finally getting a handle on things.  One of the more difficult things is learning how to MANAGE people.  There are 4 other ladies I work with.  2 are knowledgeable hard workers who I know I can rely on to make solid choices and complete tasks.  The other 2.... weeeeelllll, in their defense they do have good hearts and mean well.
Is it wrong of me to secretly call them Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum behind their backs?  Is it sad that I have to create an employee counselling form just for them? I always try to be nice, but I am learning that there's nothing wrong with my standing firm and making demands.  If I place no expectations on them what goals would they have to strive for?  Heck, I'm hoping that I find creative ways to motivate them to do BETTER.
Yes, they can be liabilities, and the rest of us work harder by having to pick up the pieces behind them.  But they really do want the best for the students and because those kids are the priority it does count for something.
And so I've done a good job in this blog post of not delving deeper into my own insecurity and self doubt issues by deflecting onto the "slackers" I work with.  Nice!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Manage This

I've been working at the school since February.  At my interview it was explained to me that it would take me the first full year to grow accustomed to dealing with the kids and all of the many rules the school has.
The first month they took it easy on me... to the point of me wondering if I would be bored there.  But once they felt I was warmed up they kept piling on the responsibilities.
And I generally welcome them with open arms.
I'm one of those Type A personalities - the typical eldest child.  Responsibility is what I thrive on.
However, here it is.  My boss has taken a new job and is leaving me in charge.  I'm now the new Office Manager.
It's a source of pride that she feels I'm capable and equipped to take over the job she does so well.  There are other choices, people who have been there longer than I have.  She has told me I am able to listen, problem solve, and have great people skills on top of being a good nurse and very organized.
So here's the problem... PANIC!  Self doubt floods my mind and it's a constant battle between the paranoid neurotic little girl who lacks self esteem and the grown woman who knows I have the confidence and intelligence to do anything I put my mind to.
This job gives me nightmares unlike any job I've ever had before.  I have restless nights of sleep to begin with, but now the vivid chaos invades my dreams, which have always been weird to begin with.  There have been teachers snorting coke, a boy dropping dead from a congenital heart defect during gym, runaways cars (which is always my signal I feel my life is out of control) among other awful things. And the funny part is the things that happen at the school are more often more disturbing than my dreams.
As of Friday I'm on my own in there.  And I'm going to do the best I can do without panicking or making myself completely crazy.  At least I hope not.  Wish me well.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


      I was going to write a nice little intro full of promises.  Promises of what I would and wouldn't say here.  As I stared into space the phone rang.  A female student is picking at the self inflicted cuts on her arm.  "Yes, send her down." I say.  She enters my office with 3 other teenage girls following her.  She seems disappointed that it's me in here.
      She makes herself at home and turns on the sink shoving her right forearm under the stream of cool water.  She starts scrubbing with her hand while I add some soap.  She has three gashes across her soft forearm, red and angry.  These are not fresh wounds.  They are several days old, but she has been worrying them, refusing to keep them covered... hoping they will scar.  By the looks of it, she is going to get her wish. 
      I do my best not to judge or make her feel guilty for what she's done to herself.  I'm matter of fact, but warm.  I apply some antibiotic ointment and a bandage, though she may rip it off as soon as she's out of my sight again.
      The girls who have come with her as moral support are swarming across my office...being nosy.  "That's a cute picture."  "Can I have a plum?"  "You're not supposed to weigh yourself." one girl offers to a newer student.  They say their thank yous and head back to the gym.
      This is just a small moment in my job here.  I work in a therapeutic boarding school.  We're located on rolling hills surrounded by farmland and woods.  I've worked here 7 months.  I'm a nurse.  And maybe it's best if I make no promises.